Humor, Jokes And Riddles

hina

A Dangerous Line of Work

A Dangerous Line of Work

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

And the man said, "I was looking for my father."

Snake Eyes

An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days."

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

Birthday Wish

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mom was making dinner. His birthday was coming up, and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. "Of course," he said.

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you've behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1: "Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year, and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Leroy."

Leroy knew this was not true, so he tore the letter up and wrote a new one.

Letter 2: "Dear God, I have been an okay boy this year. I still would like a bike for my birthday. Leroy."

This letter was no good either.

Letter 3: "Dear God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry, and I will be a good boy next year if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please. Thank you. Leroy."

Leroy knew this wasn't true, and now he was getting upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he needed to go to church. She thought her plan had worked and told him to be home in time for dinner.

Leroy walked into the church and went to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was watching. He bent down, picked up the statue of the Virgin Mary, and slipped it under his coat.

Letter 4: "Dear God, I got your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike. Signed, You know who."

The Ship's Log

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today."

"Captain please don't let that stay in the log", the mate said. "This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."

"Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, its true" the mate said.

"Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That's the rule. If its true it goes into the log, end of discussion," said the captain sternly.

Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."

Something Nice for Dad

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

Proper Wages

A man owned a small ranch. The Department of Labor claimed he was not paying his help proper wages. The DOL sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the DOL agent. "Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week, plus free room and board. "Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes $10 per week, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night." "That's the guy I want to talk to the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the rancher.

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