Humor, Jokes And Riddles

hina

Nice Jokes Post No. 3

The Goodnight Kiss

At the end of their date, a young man takes the girl back to her home. He decides to try for that first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Embarrassed, she replies, "Oh, I couldn't do that. My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us."

"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"

"No. I like you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"NO, no. I just can't."

"Pleeeeease?..."

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"

That's Daddy

My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears--one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb.

When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy."

Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?"

The New Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

The Confession

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumber yard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house.

And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance.

Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied.

"But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."

Beard

When a young announcer was raising funds on a local public television station, a woman called in and told the volunteer operator she would donate a hundred dollars if the announcer would shave off his beard.

He agreed to help the cause and returned to work clean-shaven.

The following day, the check arrived from his mother.

Half Wit

A man owned a small farm in north Louisiana. The Louisiana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the agent.

"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.

"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent."

"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.

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